Today is the last day of July, marking a year since I made a decision to get my act together and clean up the years of abuse I put my body through. To wrap up the year, I asked my dear wife to take a photo of me for the first time (the rest were weird selfies - actually I don't think she's even bothered to read this blog) and wrote this post to address certain things I've learnt that weren't as apparent to me when I first started writing this blog. To all of you who've reached out, thank you for letting me know I wasn't writing this for no one. And to those who've been reading but I haven't heard from, I still want you to know that if you're a Recovering Fatass like me, I'm still rooting for you.
So here's some stuff that I've learnt along this journey which I hope someone finds helpful.
The Most Important Muscle You Have is the One Between Your Ears
Everything starts from the mind and every good thing you do for your physical state serves to renew and to train the mind.
What seems like an impossible feat in the beginning becomes slowly possible as long as you can tell yourself to wake up, rock up, and win a little bit more than you lose each day.
In every journey, there are inevitable setbacks. Some already forseen and accounted for, and some left hooks thrown by life that you never saw coming. Whether it's wrecking your diet because everything fell apart on the same day, or injuring yourself because you did something silly you really shouldn't have, the key is to remember all the progress that was already made leading up to it. Sometimes life becomes just too much to even attempt to make progress and all mental fortitude has to be applied to fighting regression. We're entitled to our emotions, emotions are valid. But our response to our emotions needs to be considered or else given enough time and bad emotional decisions, we inevitably will suffer unwanted consequences.
In the beginning, working on eating better seems like deprivation. In time, perspective can change and the mind can teach the body to enjoy the taste of true nourishment, in addition to the enjoyment of indulgence. To experience one without the other is to miss out on a whole experience of what food can be.
In the beginning, working out seems like torture. In time, the mind can teach the body that physical exertion has a cleansing effect on the spirit and physical activity becomes something that the body craves for sanity when dealing with a complex world where so little is within our control.
There is a learning curve and an initial pain barrier. But the most important reward that has occured for me through this process is not a new dad bod, but the renewing of the mind. If you are along your own journey, I am praying that you will experience the same.
Food is Best Enjoyed, and Engaged with on its Own Terms
At some point I had a short stint of trying to make all kinds of calorically controlled high protein versions of "cheat foods" in the hopes they would let me eat copious amounts of them for the small sacrifice of 10% of the taste experience of the real thing.
In 95% of the cases, the cost benefit ratio just wasn't worth it. I wasted many hours, and threw out many, many "diet friendly" protein powder concoctions of brownies, cookies, milkshakes ... you name it.
I did manage to make a cookie dough I truly enjoyed. And my obsession with making all kinds of things with greek yoghurt continues to this day. But by and large, I came to the conclusion it was actually much more rewarding to think of "cheat" foods as "treat" foods - foods that were reserved for special occasions or times to celebrate with loved ones - even if the only thing we were celebrating was the fact that we were together.
I also learnt to understand that the world offers a multitude of high satisfying, immensely tasty foods that won't wreck anyone's diet at all. It helps to learn to cook and it helps to be open to tasting new things. I developed a deep love for Kimchi and pickles and currently pickle all kinds of veggies myself. I learnt the perfect way to cook a chicken breast (for me). I also learnt how to treat condiments as condiments ... and to not main course size them on top of my main course. I could eat my "diet" foods 95% of my life and not feel like i'm missing out on anything at all.
Anything, not everything is truer today to me than before. Sometimes, trying too hard to hack a food that should just be left alone as a treat food to make a version that is a "diet" food renders a version that just isn't worth the calories, even though they are low in count.
There are exceptions, but by and large food has its own mysterious rules. The more we abide by these rules, ironically the more we get to truly enjoy
Strength is Many Things and can be Developed in Many Ways
When the gyms in Singapore got closed due to COVID the first time, I knew I had to find a different way to get my resistance training done. I dusted off a book related to calisthenics called "Convict Conditioning" and committed to really giving bodyweight training a go. Of course, as with everything new, I sucked at the beginning. Once I really committed to doing repetitions with good form, I found I could only do 8 good pushups at one stretch. This is after 9 months of strict weight training with barbells and compound movements - yes you read right. 8 pushups.
Either because I had no choice because I had no gym access, or because I saw it as an opportunity to try to develop new skills that would ensure that even when I was travelling or simply didn't have any access to equipment I could still engage in required training, I hunkered down and really gave the system my best effort. And I found such great reward and efficacy in this modality of training that when the gyms opened up again and I met the owner at the counter his first exclamation was "You look great! What did you do while the gym was closed?"
There's lots of ways to get it done and one isn't better than the other. It really depends on what you're trying to achieve. But what I can say is that I don't think that only working with my bodyweight has impeded my progress, and calisthenics training has helped me build strength and awareness in muscles that are extremely important to develop to deal with daily life even though most of us don't see them and kept me pain free.
I highly, highly recommend that anyone who hasn't tried it and who is interested in building both functional and aesthetic strength give it a real shot. It is humbling, challenging, and beautiful. Oh, and free.
Being Initially Out of Shape and the Getting Into Shape allows Opportunities for Kindness
At the beginning of the Recovering Fatass Journey, most people don't even understand why you're doing what you're doing. And honestly, very few people are banking on you to succeed.
When you finally do, however, it offers an opportunity for you to speak to people not so much about diet and fitness, but about what is truly possible if a human being embarks on a seemingly impossible task and isn't blessed with an advantaged background but has the gifts of grit and focus.
You have the tempting opportunity to lord your success over others who are still fighting, or to contribute good energy to those who are still fighting.
I implore you, put your energy to the latter.
The Need to Curb Desire Never Ends - but learning to continually Curb Desire is the Path to True Joy
To this day, at any given meal, even though I am full I could eat a little more.
To this day, no matter how amped I am for my workout, there is still a part of me that wants to lie down in front of the TV with a pint of ice cream instead.
The enemy is always at the gate - but joy can be found in knowing that he presents a daily opportunity to experience victory and fulfilment by setting our minds to the task at hand and not giving in.
It's a matter of perspective, but the struggle against regression slowly becomes the glory of overcoming the lazy demon, if only for the day. Tomorrow will present yet another opportunity to revel in beating him. Once in a while, he may win. Then again, this is a war of attrition.
Small wins, more wins than losses.
Any progress is progress. Sometimes not regressing in and of itself is progress.
I quote a friend who will rename unnamed, but who has been a true inspiration in my life. This is a mantra that seems aggressive and harsh but is a view of life that I have found to be integral to helping me find peace in this world.
"Take cold showers. Fast regularly. Wake up extra early. Do difficult workouts. Continuously refine your skills.
Keep spending controlled. Delay your gratification. Rest too long and you rust."
I wish all Recovering Fatasses success, and the joy of not the destination, but the journey. And to everyone who reads this, thank you for helping me celebrate one of the best years of my life.